I didn’t want
to wake up today

It’s not that
I wanted to die, but
I just wish I could
skip this day
every year 

I’ll fight every hour
many times over
to stop myself
from imagining
one of the worst
things imaginable 

My grandfather
who I loved more
than I will love
any other man
in my whole life

Died alone
in a hospital
in 2020 when
no one was allowed
to be with him

How could
the greatest man
who ever lived
have such a sad
undignified death?

I hope he knew
how much I loved him
how … Read the rest

this morning
when I woke up alone again
for the sixth saturday in a row

I wanted so much
to reach out and call you

I felt the gaping
hole in my heart
that you used to fill
and it felt so hollow,
and cold, and broken

but I want
the man you used to be
or at least
the man I thought you used to be
before I found out how often and
how easily you lie

i wanted to
give you another chance
but then I remembered
you lie to me
you hurt me

and every time
you … Read the rest

This is not the club
I ever wanted to belong to.

I have nothing against
childless cat ladies; sometimes
I think they’re the lucky ones
if all they have to be
responsible for in life
is their feline friends.

I never wanted to be
in the single mom club
or the forever a fat girl club
or “the ones with serious daddy issues” club.

I didn’t sign up to be 
stuck living this life 
so afraid I’ll die
from the loneliness,
from the acute and
stinging lack of companionship.

Precious few humans
will be able to die saying
they got … Read the rest

I wore my black
black wrap dress
new bra and a lace thong

I had my hair washed,
smelled good, ready
for the main show

met you outside
couldn’t wait
the only place
we’ve ever met
is parking lots

and now
I have you on the couch
and take your hand,

it’s on my breast,
I lean in to kiss

in my head
i hear the bang and
see the flash of
fireworks, magic,
it’s magic when
you kiss someone you love

so I’ll sit on your lap
and kiss you ’til
we can’t breathe
and when I’m feeling wet… Read the rest

When you wake up
in the morning, do you
jump right out of bed
now that you don’t
feel obligated to stay
a few minutes
just to hold me?

When you hop
down the stairs
and get your first
hot little cup of coffee,
are you still humming and
singing your morning song?

Do you keep yourself busy,
are you still always pacing
around in circles, especially
now that you’re in a home
you can walk circles around?

Have you spent much
time at home
since you left here?

Do you sleep under
your old roof with your
old wife … Read the rest