cheney dot me

“Your picket fence was sharp as knives…”

October 8, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

we didn’t plan on
constant conversation
that never came
to an end

until now

and I don’t
know about you

but I planned
on loving you
for the rest
of our lives

too bad i
didn’t look
far enough ahead
to see that even if
we tore down
the fences

the walls
will remain
too long
for us
to have forever

this isn’t
what I expected
for us
and I must
apologize if you
feel I ever tried
to lead you astray

I swear I would
have loved you
until your last day

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by Susanne Jutzeler.

best in state

October 7, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

the first night
we spent in a hotel together
did not go as planned

the room was not
the one we pictured and dreamed of
the view was not as good as we’d hoped,
a music festival blared through
the closed windows

I was never able to shake
the nerves that gripped me
from the very start

you didn’t want to go out
you didn’t want to do anything

we just laid in bed together
and watched Ford vs. Ferrari
while I hoped you weren’t
thinking the whole time
what I know to be true in my soul

that I’d sell it to the devil
for a night locked in a room
with a willing Christian Bale

but later we walked two blocks
to what would become our
favorite restaurant in the state
and that night we sat out
in the street under strings of lights
and drank way too much tequila
before we stumbled back to our
overpriced and heartbreaking haven

making love at least one more time
before the morning came
and you broke my heart in a way
that it had never been broken or
hurt before, and I had to
drive us home, crying,
knowing that when we got there
you would leave

I didn’t know then
that the cycle would
repeat itself indefinitely

I didn’t know when
you drove away that afternoon
that we still had countless
margaritas to drink
and hundreds of chips
to dip into salsa
at that restaurant in the city

the one that felt like ours
right from the beginning
from that very first drink
under stars and around
other souls sharing space

I ordered what I wanted
even though it wasn’t on the menu
and I embarrassed and
annoyed you every time I’m sure,
while you simply enjoyed
the best street tacos the state
had to offer, the award-winning ones
they advertised on their windows
the ones that made our
favorite little Mexican joint
too popular to get a quick seat

and it only took a few years
to realize that when we went there
ordering the largest
margarita on the menu
was the right choice for us

and this is another time
I took a stolen, sneaky
photo of you, chip loaded up
with salsa and your mouth
hanging open ready to take it

and your eyes staring at me
over the massive margarita

so blue that day

so clear and perfectly blue

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by me.

Only Half

October 6, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

I gave you all of myself.

I gave every bit of the love I had
living within my beating heart
that once I swore would only
beat for you, and forever.

I gave you my best.
I gave you my energy when I had none,
I gave you my compassion when you hurt me,
I gave you undivided attention and never once
looked at another man and thought:
“He might be a better choice…”

I loved you even though
sometimes I hated you and sometimes
I felt like you hated me and what I’d done to you.

I tried as hard as I could.
I feel like I did the best I could.
I gave you and the future I wanted with you
every bit of my patience I could summon so
if you were ever ready, we’d still have a chance.

But you lied and you lied and you lied and you lied.

You lied to my mother today
when she asked you to leave me alone.

You can’t even tell the truth
when it doesn’t really matter;
lying seems to be instictual for you.

How could I decide to live with that?

I can’t.

I didn’t.

I won’t.

You only gave me half of a relationship
so it stands to reason you would have
only given me half a life.

I get the leftovers, but only if and
when you think your first, and
therefore more important family,
is assuredly taken care of forever.

You would give me half a life.

You would give me half of your love,
half of your attention and consideration.

I would have to bite my tongue and
steel my heart to pretend to appreciate it
when I only get half of our holidays together,
when I only get a fraction of your time.

You would only give me the half of yourself
that you think your real family doesn’t need.

And people have been telling me that
from the first time I told them about you.

He’s never going to give you what you want.
He’s never going to make you feel safe and secure.
He’s never going to let go of her enough to be able
to make you feel like you come first and are the most
important woman in his life.

He’s never made you feel that way.
Why should you ever believe he will now?

You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.

You made me feel like I wasn’t worth all the things
you lost or gave up to be able to have me.

You made me feel like you wished
you’d never even met me, and
you made me feel like
nothing would ever get better.

So, I made a decision without you
and now you know how that feels.

I decided not to take this anymore.

I decided that I am done.

I have known for a long time
that I deserve more, and better
than you’ve ever been willing to give me.

You gave me half a relationship.

I gave me half of your love.

You would have given me half a life.

But I want someone who’ll give me their all
just because they want to.

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by J H on Pexels.

A couple in love, laying together staring into each other's eyes

might as well…

October 5, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

If I’m gonna be drunk
might as well be drunk in love.
Taylor swift

when I found you
it was so easy to
get addicted
to your sweet words and
your interest

it felt like taking a drink
after years of a well
being left to sit dry

but as God as my witness
even if I don’t believe
not even a sip of this love
is worth the pain you leave

cut me off

call me a cab

you’ll never know
all the love we could have had

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by someone who should get credit for letting me use it in Canva.

when you draw the line

October 4, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

You must draw a line somewhere,
mark the spot of no return –
if someone crosses your boundary
you have to be able to say:

“Look, I showed you.
I told you what would happen
if you didn’t start respecting me.”

It’s your job to decide
what you will and will not
tolerate, even from the people
you have always loved the most.

When you’re broken and
still breaking, go to the ocean.

Remember that salt water
is the cure for everything.

Take off your shoes and socks
and wiggle your toes in the sand
before you start walking.

Go to where the waves break
hard against the shore –
you will be familiar with this dance –
one step forward, two steps back –
heart beating hard
trying to avoid breaking.

Remember how he loved you but
remember how he hurt you, too.

Feel the warmth and breadth
of the love you were looking for.

Feel the searing burn of betrayal,
the sting of old wounds that
keep reopening and won’t heal.

Consider the weight of the doubt
and fear that have been
breeding inside your chest,
crushing your fragile heart.

Finally, make the decision
that you don’t want to
feel like this anymore.