cheney dot me

saltwater

November 4, 2025 / Cheney / 0 Comments

you had me cornered, too shocked to
react to the words you were saying,
too scared to make them real

the same old story told so many times
it doesn’t even hurt much anymore,
it’s just jarring, it’s just one more piece
in the fresh hell of my life that I don’t
need to deal with right now

when you’re told you’re not breaking
but broken, when you’re asked with
genuine concern “Are you okay?”
this is the time to say it:

of course i’m not fucking okay,
no one is okay,
nothing is okay

I don’t want … Read the rest

the only thing I want

November 3, 2025 / Cheney / 0 Comments

In this relationship I have to be flexible,
I need to always be ready to bend if necessary,
and to make myself small and quiet
whenever I am asked.

One of the prices I pay for this relationship
is silence, my silence, my starvation for
affection and validation, and any
conceivable hope for the future.

Those I must pay for
one way or another.
One day, or not.

In this relationship I have to be ready for
cliff diving, train jumping, backflips, I
need to be prepared for the quick exits,
I always need to be ready to run.

I … Read the rest

In approximately eight and a half months I am going to be going on a six day, five night writing “retreat” all alone, and this will be the first time in my life I’ve had the opportunity to do anything like this.

My favorite living writer has a tiny house / AirB&B on per property that she is offering to writers and artists as a place to visit, relax, and I suppose most importantly of all, to create, and to create in solitude.

I love being alone.

I love being with friends and family, too, but I am definitely … Read the rest

forget about it

November 2, 2025 / Cheney / 0 Comments

Sunday morning. This was once my favorite time of week, the lazy Sunday morning
that would unfold into whatever we desired. It was the magic morning, it was the
morning I could almost count on rolling into your arms and then you rolling on top
of me. But now? Forget about it.

I thought you were my kindred spirit. I thought you were my moon and stars. I
thought you meant it when you said you’d always love me and never leave me,
but that was so stupid of me to believe. I thought you were my skin twin, I … Read the rest

no one’s second best

November 1, 2025 / Cheney / 0 Comments

I thought we were okay.

I was running on autopilot,
that I can admit,
but I know I was here,
present, conscious,
I know I felt loved even if
I felt it a little bit less.

I told myself “Sometimes,
it can’t always be 50/50,
sometimes one person needs
to offer the other more when
their well is running dry.”

So I offered you more.
I offered to give up my peace
so that you could have yours
for a while, and apparently,
that wasn’t enough.

You caught me last night,
deer-in-headlights I sat and
listened to all the things… Read the rest