cheney dot me

Woman standing and covering her face with her hand like she's upset about something and doesn't want to face it

I wish you wouldn’t hurt me

October 16, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

I should be able
to stand behind you,
feeling your strength
as you defend us til death

I should be able
to fall to pieces and
feel nothing but the comfort
of the promise that you’ll stay

Instead, I cower and wonder
what fresh hell
you’ll bring to me next,
packaged up with
a tag that says “love”

Instead, I cower
and wonder
what’s next?

I cower and wish
I could make myself
so small I disappear
so you don’t have the chance
to hurt me anymore

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano

Woman in bikini running alone on the sandy beach

let me go

October 15, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

If I could do just one thing –
if someone asked me:

“What would you do
if you could do anything?”

I’d run.

I’d pack a light bag and run.

I would leave work one day
and I just wouldn’t go home.

Instead, I’d drive to an airport,
pick a place with palm trees and sun,
and I would run.

I would disappear, poof!
Like magic, she’s there one moment
and she’s gone the next.

I want to go
where no one will ever find me.

I want to run off into the sunset
and never be seen or heard from again.

I don’t want a single person
looking for me, needing me,
wanting me, or coming after me.

I will run
like a thief in the night
and in the darkness no one
will be able to see
how widely I’m smiling,
how happy I am
to finally be free.

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

i’ll never stop missing you

October 14, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

I didn’t want
to wake up today

It’s not that
I wanted to die, but
I just wish I could
skip this day
every year

I’ll fight every hour
many times over
to stop myself
from imagining
one of the worst
things imaginable

My grandfather
who I loved more
than I will love
any other man
in my whole life

Died alone
in a hospital
in 2020 when
no one was allowed
to be with him

How could
the greatest man
who ever lived
have such a sad
undignified death?

I hope he knew
how much I loved him
how much I’ll always love him
how I’ll compare
every man I meet
to see if they even
come close
to meeting
the standard he set

I would give
years of my life
for just one more
day with him
for one more
bear hug that
almost hurts
for hearing him
call me
sweetheart
one more time

It would be worth it
to feel that loved
by someone again

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by Wedding Dreamz

This is my internet home so I’ll rant and preach when I want to:

GET VACCINATED

My grandfather died of COVID-19 before we had the privilege of a vaccine.

Believe in science, believe in doctors who went to medical school, and get yourself to believe that getting vaccinated is the right thing to do.

liar

October 13, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

this morning
when I woke up alone again
for the sixth saturday in a row

I wanted so much
to reach out and call you

I felt the gaping
hole in my heart
that you used to fill
and it felt so hollow,
and cold, and broken

but I want
the man you used to be
or at least
the man I thought you used to be
before I found out how often and
how easily you lie

i wanted to
give you another chance
but then I remembered
you lie to me
you hurt me

and every time
you say you’ll change and
you won’t hurt me anymore
that’s a lie, too
that’s the only thing
that’s proved to be true

how the hell
do you think
I can ever trust you?

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by Annie Spratt

self-pity serenade

October 12, 2024 / Cheney / 0 Comments

This is not the club
I ever wanted to belong to.

I have nothing against
childless cat ladies; sometimes
I think they’re the lucky ones
if all they have to be
responsible for in life
is their feline friends.

I never wanted to be
in the single mom club
or the forever a fat girl club
or “the ones with serious daddy issues” club.

I didn’t sign up to be
stuck living this life
so afraid I’ll die
from the loneliness,
from the acute and
stinging lack of companionship.

Precious few humans
will be able to die saying
they got all they want in life
and I know I won’t
be one of them, but

Poor choices shouldn’t
punish me forever.
I don’t need everything,
I just need someone’s
hand to hold – a hand
that wants to hold mine.

We never know what
we’re going to get and
we often do or don’t
get what we deserve,
but oh, I have to keep hope.

I want a love that
doesn’t scare me and
a lover who won’t hurt me
and it’s brutal to know
with such deep certainty
how hard those two things are
to find in one person.

Why can’t I be
in the club of people
who get the chance
to have that?

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by cottonbro studio