Maybe they were right all along, and there was never any reason to have hope for us. Why should we think our magic stardust love will conquer the universe? It won’t. Out of billions we found each other, but why? Why, when the toxic waters run deep and swift and you’re tearing out my heart again like the dentist pulling teeth without warning? Here’s what I know: I will leave your life and not look back, and both of us will soldier on. I’ll find the love I’m looking for, and eventually you won’t even get my name right in … Read the rest
Posts tagged writing
pride
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
I’ve always been so proud of people who do for a living what they always wanted to do for their life.
I have an old friend named Matt who is a drummer, and when he graduated college with a music degree, he became a professional drummer and makes his living doing what he loves.
One guy I went to high school with is the bassist for Hoobastank, a girl who was in my choir changed her name and now she’s a world renowned opera singer.
Other people I went to school … Read the rest
fuck that ring
I remember the day in a brewery you glanced at your hand and said with surprise, “Look, the indentation from my ring is gone,” and I thought finally, because I had been waiting for that to go away.
That fucking thing, that fucking ring, was the thing that hurt me most. That symbol of a broken promise still lingering on your skin longer after the pressure was off.
What happens after I find out you put it back on because you miss her, that life, that ring? My heart breaks and we break, and there’s no surprise in … Read the rest
petulant child
Interesting choice, deciding after all this time that maybe you’d rather be alone. This is fine, I tell myself. I’m tired of treading water with you. I’ve been the most patient person the world’s ever seen, when I make excuses for why, after all this time, you won’t marry me. Nothing to see here, I think, as other couples walk past us in restaurants. When do we go out that we don’t spend just a little bit of time resenting each other? We can barely dine in public without making a scene. This isn’t fine, I tell myself now. … Read the rest
get ready, darling
the end of love comes slowly like the cold breeze from the window, creeping up until you find yourself frozen. stuck. and it hurts more than usual because you’ve had that love for years and years, but if you ignore someone long enough, they stop caring about wanting to be seen by you. they won’t care if you see them anymore. they’ll want someone else to look and be enthralled, like you once were, remember? if you could construct a house in your mind, a restoration of the place you felt most loved and happy in this life, the house … Read the rest
please touch me
Touching you was once an afterthought, it just came as naturally as breathing. If you were within reach, I felt the urge to reach for you. I wanted to stretch out my arm so my finger could have a chance to touch your skin, your sleeve, your back as you walk away. It’s been a slow change, this horizontal move away from me. You’re still here but inching further away. Your hugs don’t last as long, or your cuddles. Your kisses aren’t as long and passionate. You won’t hold me every day like you used to. Where are you going? … Read the rest
the last day of november
Today I messed around with my social media accounts so everything matches with the same profile picture and name – except for this domain, of course, but how could I not and wouldn’t you?
I’m forty-three fucking years old.
I go to therapy every week in part to hear my therapist tell me over and over again:
The only thing you can control is how you react to things.
I can’t control how other people react to things, I can’t control what they think about me, I can only control how I react or respond to things that happen to … Read the rest
not that but this
I’m glad the days of casual dating are over, and there won’t be anymore awkward first times, or men who woo and ditch me, or worse, pretend that I’m interesting and then forget what I said.
I’ve been there, and give the whole thing zero stars. They say you can’t find a man at a bar, but how is finding one online better? It used to be such a foolish and dangerous thing.
But what is a life with no hope for more first kisses on Providence Street? Is it better to sleep comfortably with the same man every night, … Read the rest
Writing poetry every morning, like EVERY morning lately has done some good things for my psyche.
But not watching the news in the morning probably helps even more. I used to come down with my coffee and turn on the news – no more.
I wanted to be part of the solution, I am not going to be part of the problem, and in my work and heart I’m doing good for people.
I have one life. That’s enough for everyone else to take. I’ve given quite enough.