They say that I’m beautiful but I will never believe them.

My blond hair is too soft and shiny, my pale white skin so unblemished.

I’m petite, a size double zero, and I can do my makeup better than the stylists doing the Met Gala’s red carpet looks.

I move like water through any room and part it like the Red Sea, no one can touch me.

I’m flawless; I know this.

But no one will come near me, or look in my dagger eyes, or raise their voice to speak to me.

I am just a cold, lonely island.… Read the rest

We walk up the old wood path that is obscured by mist, which makes everything colored in a haze of green reflected from the lush trees.

“We should turn back,” Micah said.

“No, we’re too close, it’s right here.”

And it was. They’d reached the tree they searched for, and knocked three times on its bark.

A hidden door swung in and bright light emanated from within. Cheney proceeded directly inside while Micah tried and failed to stop her.

He was glad he did.

They’d found the ancient, secret library of the mystics, and now everything in it was theirs.… Read the rest

In therapy, we are EMDRing our way toward feeling like enough.

I show up, I trace the green dot back and forth with my eyes while I think of the worst memory of my entire life and cry about it.

And then we do it again. And again. And again.

The same place, the same words spoken, the same gold couch, the same familiar face becoming a stranger in seconds.

It’s like physical therapy for your brain: sometimes it has to hurt a little more before it starts feeling better.

Though I miss him, reminiscing can be sweet yet sickening.… Read the rest

We stood in the street looking at the house for what felt like hours.

It got so late in the afternoon, I didn’t think we were going to make it inside before dark, and we had to be home before dark.

It would be fine; we wouldn’t have time to go inside.

But I was wrong, of course, and my friends got me to follow them through that open door that was hanging on one rusty hinge.

We never thought it could slam behind us.

We never could have imagined what would be on the other side of that door.… Read the rest

I remember the days when the rain would fall and we would dance on the sidewalks all the way home.

The ground glittered like diamonds under our feet and made us feel like royalty even when we pushed the revolving door into the dump of the hotel.

We’d stagger up stairs because the elevator has been broken for years and then collapse onto empty, itchy duvet covers.

How gross, how ridiculous, how sure I am those were the best days of my life, and none better will ever come.

How often I close my eyes and come back to you.… Read the rest