I wanted to be a part of your family at the Fourth of July picnic that’s crazy like a circus, at your sister’s table on holidays, by your side on Christmas morning. I had dreams of all of these things in my life, and now I look past tomorrow and see nothing but darkness. I’m spaced out in shock, still not wanting to accept it’s over, regarding re-entry into real life as an assault, because how do I live without you? How I go days without talking to you? I won’t be going to your niece’s wedding next year. I … Read the rest
Posts tagged postaday
chilling with piper
When are you most happy?
A month ago I would have told you I was most happy cuddled in bed with my boyfriend, no clothes, skin on skin, arms and legs wrapped around each other and as close as we could physically be.
But we are done with our relationship now.
I am done with it. I don’t care whether he wants to “keep working on things”.
I don’t want to keep working on things, and that’s a good enough reason to let go and let it be over.
Is my heart broken? Yeah. I woke up this morning … Read the rest
why don’t you rip my heart out?
I should have said goodbye years ago, the first time you wanted to, the second time, the tenth. But I wasn’t the only one saying let’s give it one more chance, I wasn’t the only one holding on. I wake up tired every morning, crying alone in bed, looking at the space you took up and picturing you there welcoming me into your waiting arms. I cry because I am starved for touch. I cry because of you. The line between me handling it and having a breakdown is paper thin. I’ve been holding myself together with scotch tape … Read the rest
missed possessions
I almost got what I wanted could be the story of my life. A Mitsubishi Eclipse in 2001. A job that would have had me moving to New Orleans in 2003. An abortion in 2005. A lifetime with you. We were at the edge of forever, dancing around it like we do in the kitchen now, orbiting each other so we never touch. Every time you make a dinner I don’t deserve, I walk in there with hunger and walk out feeling like I left my heart behind.
Today’s poetry prompt words were: I almost got what I wanted, at … Read the rest
melting
Today, I’m sorry that any of this happened
and if I could, I would take it back
by any means necessary to save my
heart from breaking over you again.
Hearts are supposed to be these strong,
red, hot, beating to keep the body alive
organs, and not what I feel I have in the
middle of my chest, just this melting piece of ice.
Today’s poetry prompt words were: I’m sorry, by any means necessary, and ice.
waiting room
Don’t believe in the
chemistry, it will not last.
Think of your future.
Get back in that waiting room
and be patient for your love.
Today’s poetry prompt words were: believe, chemistry, and waiting room.
I’ll say again – my boyfriend and I are not broken or breaking up, but poets, you know it, sometimes you go deeper into the well of yourself and pull out what hurts. Like putting it on the page, getting it out there eases it somehow, cause you’re sharing the load with others.
Photo by Edwin Chen on Unsplash
resignation
where were we when things fell apart?
i missed it, i guess, the moment
that we went from we to
what we used to be
whatever it is you need
i can’t give it to you
and i have never been
more sorry, i’ve never
wanted more to be
someone different, and better
i know us and know
an ultimatum is coming
i just don’t know from
which one of us and
i think it’s 50/50
we will break each other
just like we always do
i’ll be sitting somewhere
crying while you pack
boxes and run back and
forth … Read the rest
this small life
this is a small life, very small,
miniature if you want more, which
is also less, and the thing is
you can’t complain
the thing is
all of this was a gift
that you didn’t ask for but
have to appreciate, or so
“they” say; you have to make
the most out of every precious moment
but i feel like a wallflower
in my own fucking life, like
i’m watching from the sidelines
as i make mistake after mistake
as i make my life harder and worse
i want to jump in and grab myself
around the neck and squeeze … Read the rest