If I were to curse you, this is how I’d do it.

May you be ignored whenever you text someone.

May you thanklessly plunge toilets, purge refrigerators, and scrub spit out of sinks among other things that aren’t your responsibility.

May a shark pursue you in open water every day for the rest of your life.

This was written in response to Maya Stein’s Tri-Writing prompt: Invent 3 new curses OR 3 new blessings.