Two years ago, right around now, I was supposed to be going to Maine for a writer’s retreat led by my favorite living poet.
That didn’t end up happening because I didn’t find a job by then and I was rapidly running out of money. I had to take the refund when I had the chance and save all the money I would have spent on hotels and gas and food for the few days I would be there.
To say I was devastated would be putting it lightly, because this is also just after I would have been seeing the Postal Service and Death Cab For Cutie play together in Madison Square Garden. I had tickets for that one, epic show, but I couldn’t afford the trip to New York, either. I sold the tickets and missed out on what was probably a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well.
When my favorite living poet announced she was having a writers retreat at her house… ish… I couldn’t not try to get on board.
Until I am for sure going, I don’t even know if I want to tell anyone who this poet is or where I am going.
I don’t want to jinx it. My boss has already approved the time off of work, and it’s months and months into next year, and so many things could happen before then, but my god is it nice to have something like this to look forward to.
It’s hard for me to be happy without knowing there is something good coming to me in the future. I am not sure what that says about me as a person, but I don’t think it’s very good.
Like I have to have a carrot on a stick held out for me to keep going, that is how it feels, because when I don’t have that carrot I just kind of… stop.
If the inertia stops, I stop, and for a long time I stopped but now I feel myself starting up again.
I have been writing every day, fiction and not.
I haven’t been writing poetry, which is sad, considering I am going to a retreat at a poet’s place, but I can probably rectify that in the next six months.
I need a countdown! I love a good reason for a countdown.
I wish I had the determination to do a poem a day… and stick to it…
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