in Poems Written Promptly

this small life

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this is a small life, very small,
miniature if you want more, which
is also less, and the thing is
you can’t complain

the thing is
all of this was a gift
that you didn’t ask for but
have to appreciate, or so
“they” say; you have to make 
the most out of every precious moment

but i feel like a wallflower 
in my own fucking life, like
i’m watching from the sidelines
as i make mistake after mistake
as i make my life harder and worse
i want to jump in and grab myself
around the neck and squeeze … Read the rest

in Poems Written Promptly

saltwater

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you had me cornered, too shocked to 
react to the words you were saying, 
too scared to make them real

the same old story told so many times
it doesn’t even hurt much anymore, 
it’s just jarring, it’s just one more piece
in the fresh hell of my life that I don’t
need to deal with right now

when you’re told you’re not breaking
but broken, when you’re asked with
genuine concern “Are you okay?”
this is the time to say it:

of course i’m not fucking okay,
no one is okay,
nothing is okay

I don’t want … Read the rest

in Poems Written Promptly

the only thing I want

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In this relationship I have to be flexible,
I need to always be ready to bend if necessary,
and to make myself small and quiet 
whenever I am asked. 

One of the prices I pay for this relationship 
is silence, my silence, my starvation for
affection and validation, and any 
conceivable hope for the future. 

Those I must pay for
one way or another. 
One day, or not.

In this relationship I have to be ready for 
cliff diving, train jumping, backflips, I
need to be prepared for the quick exits,
I always need to be ready to run. 

I … Read the rest

in Blog

I’m not a good poet

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In approximately eight and a half months I am going to be going on a six day, five night writing “retreat” all alone, and this will be the first time in my life I’ve had the opportunity to do anything like this. 

My favorite living writer has a tiny house / AirB&B on per property that she is offering to writers and artists as a place to visit, relax, and I suppose most importantly of all, to create, and to create in solitude. 

I love being alone. 

I love being with friends and family, too, but I am definitely … Read the rest

in Poems Written Promptly

forget about it

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Sunday morning. This was once my favorite time of week, the lazy Sunday morning that would unfold into whatever we desired. It was the magic morning, it was the morning I could almost count on rolling into your arms and then you rolling on top of me. But now? Forget about it. 

I thought you were my kindred spirit. I thought you were my moon and stars. I 
thought you meant it when you said you’d always love me and never leave me,
but that was so stupid of me to believe. I thought you were my skin twin, I … Read the rest

in Poems Written Promptly

no one’s second best

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I thought we were okay.

I was running on autopilot,
that I can admit,
but I know I was here,
present, conscious, 
I know I felt loved even if
I felt it a little bit less. 

I told myself “Sometimes,
it can’t always be 50/50,
sometimes one person needs
to offer the other more when 
their well is running dry.”

So I offered you more. 
I offered to give up my peace 
so that you could have yours
for a while, and apparently,
that wasn’t enough. 

You caught me last night,
deer-in-headlights I sat and
listened to all the things… Read the rest

in Poems Written Promptly

It’s nothing, I’m fine

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If I asked you what you see in your future I’m sure
I’d only be met with silence. 
Not because you don’t know where we’re going, 
but because you know we won’t like it.

We’re not walking into any future we imagined,
together nor apart, in every way that’s meant. 
Now it seems more like a slide into complicity,
acceptance, and “you get what you get,
and you don’t get upset” like we’re children
who never learned to play by the rules. 

I suffer through sighs and the sad empty gazes.
You suffer metaphorical but actual pain in your heart,… Read the rest

in Poems Written Promptly

patience for the pilgrimage

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there are so many months between me and here and there
but I can’t wait to prepare. I can’t wait to go from wistful dreaming
to actual planning, to opening a duffle bag and beginning to pack.
Clothes and deodorant and soap, various and sundry things to fill 
the space in me (the bag) just like where I’m going will fill the space in me.

a whole entire winter and spring need to pass before this chance comes
and I have to remind myself it’s still a chance, anything can happen
in that amount of time. illness, death, job loss, … Read the rest

in Poems Written Promptly

skin twin

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there are so many things about us that one could make 
one say we mesh. we call each other our skin twins, 
the same light shade but sprinkled with freckles. if we put our
arms against each other, i can’t tell where he ends and i begin.

there’s a comfort here i’ve never had before, the feeling that
i can let go a little bit, not be so close, not be so clingy, not
be so afraid all the time that he will leave me.

(and trust me, i have an excuse for the fear i can’t release)

but for … Read the rest