Be here now.

That’s a thing, right?

I feel like I spend half my time in the past and half in the future, and honestly don’t enjoy the present moments as much as I should.

But I worry about the future constantly. I worry about not being able to afford things, specifically, and specifically my rent.

Being that I work at a place that has a food pantry, I see and hear about a lot of homeless people, and I am starting to consider being homeless one of my worst fears.

The fact is, if my landlord didn’t renew my lease, or if for any reason I weren’t able to pay for where I live, I’d be, by definition, homeless.

What I am afraid of, is that rent for a two bedroom apartment, house, condo, or trailer is around $2,000 a month, that means most landlords will want $6,000 to move in.

Well, if I were privileged enough to have an extra $6,000 in the bank, I wouldn’t be renting this fucking condo!

I am on a mission to double my income by June. I know it’s pie in the sky high hopes that I will reach that amount, and keep it steady, but I am writing and working toward it every day, and I am not going to give up.

When I think of the past, I think of the days when I didn’t have to worry about paying rent, or going to work, or having health insurance, or figuring out what to have for dinner every damn night of my life.

The good ol’ days of being an irresponsible young adult are missed.

And with that, dinnertime.