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Who are the biggest influences in your life?
“They” say
you are the sum
of your five closest people;
that they shape you and
you have no choice in that,
it just happens
for better or worse.
Oh, I hope they are wrong,
because otherwise,
I am so fucked.
We said it so many times we called it 10%, because it felt like “I love you” was 10% of all we say to each other. Every day, I love you, I love you, I love you, a balm I’ll never grow tired of but, underneath it all, became a noose around your neck. We’ll stick to easy games; no tag, no red rover, no hopscotch, nothing that involves touching or thinking about you. Finger painting, maybe, that’s an activity we can do together now that cuddling and sex are off the table. My best friend has a sex painting. … Read the rest
When are you most happy?
A month ago I would have told you I was most happy cuddled in bed with my boyfriend, no clothes, skin on skin, arms and legs wrapped around each other and as close as we could physically be.
But we are done with our relationship now.
I am done with it. I don’t care whether he wants to “keep working on things”.
I don’t want to keep working on things, and that’s a good enough reason to let go and let it be over.
Is my heart broken? Yeah. I woke up this morning … Read the rest
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
I’ve always been so proud of people who do for a living what they always wanted to do for their life.
I have an old friend named Matt who is a drummer, and when he graduated college with a music degree, he became a professional drummer and makes his living doing what he loves.
One guy I went to high school with is the bassist for Hoobastank, a girl who was in my choir changed her name and now she’s a world renowned opera singer.
Other people I went to school … Read the rest
Today I messed around with my social media accounts so everything matches with the same profile picture and name – except for this domain, of course, but how could I not and wouldn’t you?
I’m forty-three fucking years old.
I go to therapy every week in part to hear my therapist tell me over and over again:
The only thing you can control is how you react to things.
I can’t control how other people react to things, I can’t control what they think about me, I can only control how I react or respond to things that happen to … Read the rest
What book are you reading right now?
I’ve been enjoying very, very good poetry today, by a poet who got her start on Instagram just like I’m sort of kind of trying to do.
I recommend this book.
We met when your only job was shuttling your children back and forth to their various activities, and now I know you loved that more than most things. You’d drive for hundreds of miles just to get the chance to drive them another few hundred miles.
You are a warrior father. You will go to battle for them but not for me. I am the one you defend them against. You keep me away to keep them protected, and it hurts me, it hurts me, and not a single cook in the kitchen has a clue, or would care … Read the rest
Writing poetry every morning, like EVERY morning lately has done some good things for my psyche.
But not watching the news in the morning probably helps even more. I used to come down with my coffee and turn on the news – no more.
I wanted to be part of the solution, I am not going to be part of the problem, and in my work and heart I’m doing good for people.
I have one life. That’s enough for everyone else to take. I’ve given quite enough.
I’ve never really liked Nicolas Cage as an actor.
I feel like he’s over the top in most of his roles, really pushing the boundaries of acting in films, because it’s almost like you’d act on stage. He’s loud, pointed, and knows he’s a character and knows the audience knows he knows he’s a character.
Also, most of his films didn’t appeal to me “back in the day” twenty years ago when it was all Face/Off, Con Air, and City of … Read the rest
