That we even met was against all odds, despite my name being there in the trees in the town where you lived. You drove by my name for years — “It’s a sign!” — but now the trees are dead, and will soon be gone.
I swear to myself I’ll be picky in chasing the new love of my life, swear to myself that next time I won’t compromise on my needs. I’ve been doing somersaults to just get you to want me; it’s backbreaking work, and I’d like to be done now.
It hurts to not feel … Read the rest
Get me out of here has been on my mind quite a bit these days. The urge to just get up and run out the door. I wouldn’t take a thing. Bags unpacked, purse abandoned, phone smashed, I’d run.
I’d speed down the highway heading west, hitting the low shoulders as I pass on the right, I’m in too much of a hurry for rules, as I’ve always been, and now it’s time to live my life.
But first, I have to find it.
Who the fuck am I?
Who the fuck am I to think I can just run … Read the rest
Sometimes a talk isn’t just a talk.
Sometimes you ask “What’s the matter?”
and then everything falls apart.
Sometimes you can’t un-say things.
Sometimes words hit your heart
and leave everything broken.
Sometimes, after, you make love,
and sometimes you don’t touch.
Sometimes life starts feeling like
one long sleepover because you are
always waiting for him to go home.
Today’s poetry prompt words were: what’s the matter, broken, and sleepover.
Photo by Jianfeng Yang on Unsplash
We met when your only job was shuttling your children back and forth to their various activities, and now I know you loved that more than most things. You’d drive for hundreds of miles just to get the chance to drive them another few hundred miles.
You are a warrior father. You will go to battle for them but not for me. I am the one you defend them against. You keep me away to keep them protected, and it hurts me, it hurts me, and not a single cook in the kitchen has a clue, or would care … Read the rest
You tell me what you want for dinner and I feel nothing but relief. Thank God I don’t have to make that decision again today. The heavy weight of adulthood is a deathly oppression. There’s a chance of heavy storms in the forecast, and one can only be pushed so far, little dove, before they’ll fall from the sky.
I have no illusions of forever. My forever should have started twenty years ago, instead it ended right when it was picking up speed. I’ve learned since that all I am is someone’s missing piece. I’m what they use to fill … Read the rest
I don’t want a big life,
but I don’t want a
small life either.
I want a calm, happy,
fulfilled life,
which is one I
doubt I’ll ever have.
Can you believe it
when I tell you I
want my parent’s life?
That I want their
quiet, steadfast love,
their iron belief
in each other?
I spent so many
years trying to
run from them
telling myself this
is the worst
that can happen to me
and I was so wrong.
It would be the best thing
to go to bed and never
wonder whether
the one you love
wants … Read the rest
this is a small life, very small,
miniature if you want more, which
is also less, and the thing is
you can’t complain
the thing is
all of this was a gift
that you didn’t ask for but
have to appreciate, or so
“they” say; you have to make
the most out of every precious moment
but i feel like a wallflower
in my own fucking life, like
i’m watching from the sidelines
as i make mistake after mistake
as i make my life harder and worse
i want to jump in and grab myself
around the neck and squeeze … Read the rest
you had me cornered, too shocked to
react to the words you were saying,
too scared to make them real
the same old story told so many times
it doesn’t even hurt much anymore,
it’s just jarring, it’s just one more piece
in the fresh hell of my life that I don’t
need to deal with right now
when you’re told you’re not breaking
but broken, when you’re asked with
genuine concern “Are you okay?”
this is the time to say it:
of course i’m not fucking okay,
no one is okay,
nothing is okay
I don’t want … Read the rest
In this relationship I have to be flexible,
I need to always be ready to bend if necessary,
and to make myself small and quiet
whenever I am asked.
One of the prices I pay for this relationship
is silence, my silence, my starvation for
affection and validation, and any
conceivable hope for the future.
Those I must pay for
one way or another.
One day, or not.
In this relationship I have to be ready for
cliff diving, train jumping, backflips, I
need to be prepared for the quick exits,
I always need to be ready to run.
I … Read the rest
