right now there’s ringing in my ears, and besides that the drip of
the cat’s water fountain and the hum, perhaps, of a water heater,
and i want none of those sounds, i want silence unless it’s something
i’ve been wanting to hear.

i want to travel to florida and see my friend Todd, i want to hear the
dull roar of a plane cruising at altitude, i want him to hear his eggs
crackling over easy, spitting and popping butter, before the whoooosh
of him pouring my scrambled ones into the pan. And the drip of his
coffee pot, … Read the rest

here you are. you had one foot over the fence and now here you are. 
no more of that painful limbo, no more wondering “what will happen
that will make him leave again?” even if you are the one to facilitate the leaving.
set it and forget it, you tell yourself. you get what you get and you 
don’t get upset. if you start to stray into thoughts that cause you fear,
remember the times you were comforted, and remember the things that count.

tell yourself you don’t need anymore manifestation or magical thinking, 
you just need to be the … Read the rest

no matter what it looks like when things finally 
get shook up and then settle down, I will be here by your side.
I will be the one who keeps loving you and loving you
and showing you love, and no one can possibly say we
deserve anything worse than this, or anything more than this.
there are plenty of people in this world I could have met and made a 
makeshift life with, I would have laughed and smiled at their jokes 
the way I smile at you and laugh at yours, you ridiculous little boy. 
so no matter … Read the rest

Getting older, and watching my parents and grandparents age, is incredibly hard.

I’ve always been very aware of my age and the passing of time.

These days it feels like time is flying by so much faster than I want it to; I want it to slow down. I want to be able to appreciate and savor more of the good things before having to move on to the next.

Day after day, most things stay the same.

Wake up, work, dinner, whatever, sleep. Repeat four times until Saturday. Rest.

I worry every day about getting bills paid and not … Read the rest

I hate authority.

I absolutely hate it.

The fact that I have a boss is one of the worst things in my entire life.

It doesn’t even matter who the boss is.

The boss I have now has her Jekyll and Hyde moments… or hours, or days… But overall, she’s a nice, pleasant, funny woman.

I often think that if we had met each other when we were children she would have been a friend I would have kept forever.

However, when she talks to me in a tone and looks at me like she believes I’m stupid, I forget … Read the rest