Posts tagged poem

patience for the pilgrimage

there are so many months between me and here and there
but I can’t wait to prepare. I can’t wait to go from wistful dreaming
to actual planning, to opening a duffle bag and beginning to pack.
Clothes and deodorant and soap, various and sundry things to fill 
the space in me (the bag) just like where I’m going will fill the space in me.

a whole entire winter and spring need to pass before this chance comes
and I have to remind myself it’s still a chance, anything can happen
in that amount of time. illness, death, job loss, … Read the rest

skin twin

there are so many things about us that one could make 
one say we mesh. we call each other our skin twins, 
the same light shade but sprinkled with freckles. if we put our
arms against each other, i can’t tell where he ends and i begin.

there’s a comfort here i’ve never had before, the feeling that
i can let go a little bit, not be so close, not be so clingy, not
be so afraid all the time that he will leave me.

(and trust me, i have an excuse for the fear i can’t release)

but for … Read the rest

city song

right now there’s ringing in my ears, and besides that the drip of
the cat’s water fountain and the hum, perhaps, of a water heater,
and i want none of those sounds, i want silence unless it’s something
i’ve been wanting to hear.

i want to travel to florida and see my friend Todd, i want to hear the
dull roar of a plane cruising at altitude, i want him to hear his eggs
crackling over easy, spitting and popping butter, before the whoooosh
of him pouring my scrambled ones into the pan. And the drip of his
coffee pot, … Read the rest

here you are

here you are. you had one foot over the fence and now here you are. 
no more of that painful limbo, no more wondering “what will happen
that will make him leave again?” even if you are the one to facilitate the leaving.
set it and forget it, you tell yourself. you get what you get and you 
don’t get upset. if you start to stray into thoughts that cause you fear,
remember the times you were comforted, and remember the things that count.

tell yourself you don’t need anymore manifestation or magical thinking, 
you just need to be the … Read the rest

no matter what

no matter what it looks like when things finally 
get shook up and then settle down, I will be here by your side.
I will be the one who keeps loving you and loving you
and showing you love, and no one can possibly say we
deserve anything worse than this, or anything more than this.
there are plenty of people in this world I could have met and made a 
makeshift life with, I would have laughed and smiled at their jokes 
the way I smile at you and laugh at yours, you ridiculous little boy. 
so no matter … Read the rest

a lucky shot in the dark

i think of my life sometimes
in the context of Tswift lyrics:
“we never had a shotgun shot in the dark” to
“we are a shot in the darkest dark” to
“august sipped away like a bottle of wine –
’cause you were never mine”
yet, look – here you are next to me
on the couch having coffee every morning
here are your boxer briefs i wash and fold
with my heart full of love and feeling lucky
because i get to be the one to fold your underwear
how easy, how comfortable, how perfect it can be
the … Read the rest

perfect for me

If I think hard about it,
you are perfect.

You bring everything
to the table
and offer everything
that I want.

You are dependable.
No matter what, or when,
or with who, you always
provide the same comfort,
the same sweetness
that brings me peace.

You make me melt,
you make me feel addicted,
like I have to clutch you
in my hot, hot hands
to keep you mine
to keep you you
before you’re gone.

When you enter me
there is a shock of sweetness –
sugar, plain and simple.
But the longer you linger,
the more delicious you … Read the rest

Judgement Day

When the people hear our story
they might only get one side.

They might only hear what I say,
which for a while will probably
not be anything nice.

They will not blame me.

When I go before the prosecutor
I will answer them truthfully:
“Yes, he told me he loved me every day.”
“Yes, he told me he would never leave me.”
“No, I did not believe him.”

Then when I speak for the defense
I will tell them truths as well:
“No, I haven’t trusted him for years.”
“Sure, I wanted to, but I shouldn’t have.”
“Yes, I … Read the rest