When you wake up
in the morning, do you
jump right out of bed
now that you don’t
feel obligated to stay
a few minutes
just to hold me?

When you hop
down the stairs
and get your first
hot little cup of coffee,
are you still humming and
singing your morning song?

Do you keep yourself busy,
are you still always pacing
around in circles, especially
now that you’re in a home
you can walk circles around?

Have you spent much
time at home
since you left here?

Do you sleep under
your old roof with your
old wife and young girls
who never made you feel
as loved as I did?

Have you literally
already bled for them,
down on your hands and knees
hammering together
whatever parts
you can salvage
so you can say 
this is worth it

?

Do you wish you
had been better to me
so that I could have
given us the chance
I thought we both deserved?

Do you wish you
had put more faith in me,
that if you just told the truth
about the things that really mattered
we might have had a chance?

What do you regret the most?
Posting that photo on Twitter?
Answering me when I messaged you?
That first time you told me you loved me?
That first time we met and held hands and kissed?
That first time we laid down together and made love?

Or is it simply that being with me
meant you couldn’t be with them –
and that was too much
for you to sacrifice?

If I never hear from you again
I’ll certainly believe the latter,
but no matter when
it won’t matter.

I wonder what
our life could have
looked like if we
had been smarter,
but then, if we were smarter,
we wouldn’t be here
would we?

My heart is broken
and I will be filled
with guilt and regret
for as long as I live.

You shattered me.

But I robbed you
of your entire life.

I need you to forgive me
but I don’t think I can be forgiven.

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels