I gave you all of myself.

I gave every bit of the love I had
living within my beating heart
that once I swore would only
beat for you, and forever.

I gave you my best.
I gave you my energy when I had none,
I gave you my compassion when you hurt me,
I gave you undivided attention and never once
looked at another man and thought:
“He might be a better choice…”

I loved you even though
sometimes I hated you and sometimes
I felt like you hated me and what I’d done to you.

I tried as hard as I could.
I feel like I did the best I could.
I gave you and the future I wanted with you
every bit of my patience I could summon so
if you were ever ready, we’d still have a chance.

But you lied and you lied and you lied and you lied.

You lied to my mother today
when she asked you to leave me alone.

You can’t even tell the truth
when it doesn’t really matter;
lying seems to be instictual for you.

How could I decide to live with that?

I can’t.

I didn’t.

I won’t.

You only gave me half of a relationship
so it stands to reason you would have
only given me half a life.

I get the leftovers, but only if and
when you think your first, and
therefore more important family,
is assuredly taken care of forever.

You would give me half a life.

You would give me half of your love,
half of your attention and consideration.

I would have to bite my tongue and
steel my heart to pretend to appreciate it
when I only get half of our holidays together,
when I only get a fraction of your time.

You would only give me the half of yourself
that you think your real family doesn’t need.

And people have been telling me that
from the first time I told them about you.

He’s never going to give you what you want.
He’s never going to make you feel safe and secure.
He’s never going to let go of her enough to be able
to make you feel like you come first and are the most
important woman in his life.

He’s never made you feel that way.
Why should you ever believe he will now?

You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.

You made me feel like I wasn’t worth all the things
you lost or gave up to be able to have me.

You made me feel like you wished
you’d never even met me, and
you made me feel like
nothing would ever get better.

So, I made a decision without you
and now you know how that feels.

I decided not to take this anymore.

I decided that I am done.

I have known for a long time
that I deserve more, and better
than you’ve ever been willing to give me.

You gave me half a relationship.

I gave me half of your love.

You would have given me half a life.

But I want someone who’ll give me their all
just because they want to.

Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts | Photo by J H on Pexels.