When the people hear our story
they might only get one side.
They might only hear what I say,
which for a while will probably
not be anything nice.
They will not blame me.
When I go before the prosecutor
I will answer them truthfully:
“Yes, he told me he loved me every day.”
“Yes, he told me he would never leave me.”
“No, I did not believe him.”
Then when I speak for the defense
I will tell them truths as well:
“No, I haven’t trusted him for years.”
“Sure, I wanted to, but I shouldn’t have.”
“Yes, I do deserve better than this.”
The evidence will be presented:
All of the times he lied to me.
All of the times he made decisions without me.
All of the times he wouldn’t touch me and rejected me.
All of the times he reminded me that I would never be his family.
All of the ways he hurt me, day after day after day, by not giving his all for us.
The prosecutor will argue:
“He left his home and family so he could be with you more.”
“He gave up his future for you, he’ll never be able to retire now.”
“You’re being selfish; you’re forsaking him for a fairytale that will never come.”
“He’s going to be alone for the rest of his life because you wouldn’t let yourself believe him anymore.”
“Would the defendant like to make a statement?”
“Yes, Your Honor,” I will say, and turn to the jury:
I did the best I could.
I loved him more than anyone
I’ve ever met in my life.
I thanked him, told him I loved him,
and told him I appreciated him every day.
I did nice things for him just because
I loved him and wanted to make him happy.
I was looking forward to making him happy
for the rest of our lives.
I tried. I tried as hard as I could.
I held on for much longer than I should have,
but I couldn’t take it anymore; and I had to let go.
I couldn’t trust him, he lied too much,
he lied too much about the thing that scared me most.
Your Honor, members of the Jury,
I know what we did was wrong,
and I will be sorry for the rest of my life.
But can you tell me that I deserved this?
I have so much love to give, and I want the chance
to give it to someone who will give it back to me.
I deserve better than to be
someone’s consolation prize
when all else they wanted was lost.
I know what I did was wrong,
but are you really going to keep punishing me
with this crushing weight of guilt over
loving a man and ruining his life?
I promise I’ll do better next time.
I promise I’ll make better choices.
I promise I won’t do anything wrong,
I won’t cheat to get the person I love.
Members of the jury,
I have already been punished,
and I have already punished myself
in ways far worse than you could imagine.
I won’t learn anything
if you lock up my heart again.
I won’t be rehabilitated
if you don’t give me the chance to try again.
I know your duty is to justice,
but please consider I am only part
of the problem that brought us here today.
Please let me go.
Please let me be free.
Inspired by the Writer’s Write October prompts. / Photo by Pavel Denilyuk.
