02/08/26

I closed out 2025 by saying it wasn’t the best year, and it wasn’t.

At the time I wrote that I really thought Bobby and I were done for and that he would be moved out and gone within days or weeks.

To say I’m happy that we’ve reconciled is an understatement, but I still feel like we are on shaky ground. We need to talk more. We both agree that we’re so great together at the easy, fun things, but the big important things, we don’t know how to get through them together. We don’t know how to fight. We just shut down, and I can’t let myself shut down anymore. That’s my goal regarding Bobbyland.

I have been getting increasingly anxious at work, constantly afraid that I am going to do something that will get me in trouble or fired. I know my boss has pulled the “Your position has been eliminated” card a few times on people formerly in my position, so my whole goal with work is: Do everything my boss says with a smile on my face, and be grateful every day that I get through to Friday still employed.

Before you skip to the Still True parts, an update is that I am making a bit more money on the Amazon erotica this month. This motivates me to write more… but sadly, not enough to actually do it every day.

Now, I continue to hope that if I put more work into it, I will get more reward.

Everything Below Is Still True Now:

2026: The Year of Apathy

I have reached the point in my life where I am so close to being out of fucks to give, I need to carefully preserve them and save them for important things.

So your problems, complaints, nags, and annoyances?

I don’t care about them anymore.

I’m going to worry about me, and take care of me, and everyone else is on their own.

I’m not going to check my texts and answer right back, I’m not going to talk to people, or go out and do things with them if I don’t want to.

I’m not going to watch the news or get into political discussions with anyone.

When my boss tells me what to do, even if it’s totally insane, I’m going to nod, say okay with a smile, and do it.

When my daughter doesn’t want to listen to me and starts mouthing off like a twelve year old, or if she tells me something that is incorrect, again, I’m going to smile and nod, and then quietly walk away.

There’s no need to argue anymore. So I’m not going to do it.

What I am going to do, is write my ass off.

I’ve already revived my old alias and have been publishing erotica on Amazon that none of you will ever read.

This month I’ve made six dollars so far! And I know that sounds like nothing, and is practically nothing, but it’s still 4 more dollars than I’ve ever made in a single month, because I have been publishing stories consistently, and advertising where I can.

I don’t expect this to be my primary income overnight, or even in the next year or so, but by God, one day, I will make a living writing again. I don’t want to make my living writing erotica though. I want to write sci-fi and dystopian epics, space operas, poetry… I want to do it all, so I am trying.

Doubling my income as fast as possible so I can support myself on my own is my primary goal for the upcoming year, and I can’t let anything get in my way.

What would get in my way?

Depression. Anxiety. The devil voices inside my head that tell me nothing I write is ever going to be good enough, and that I am not good enough for anything, or anyone.

I am fighting the big, bad, depression beast for years, and it only keeps growing.

I should be feeling better, not worse, so I have a lot of work to do on myself.

I can’t worry about other people’s problems right now. And I don’t want to.

_{Image of Keanu found on X.}

Inspired by: nownownow.com

Want to take a look at what happened Before Now?

9/28/24 – nine twenty-eight twenty-four

12/13/24 – twelve thirteen twenty-four

10/08/25 – ten eight twenty-five

12/25/25 – twelve twenty-five twenty-five